…If you are a moralist, especially female, this post may not be for you
In those days, mothers and grannies knew their hubbies’ “ales” (concubines). Call them side chicks today. In fact, they knew the day the “ale” would be coming to farm to collect food stuffs. They would respect themselves and won’t go to farm that day.
“I am going out o”, baba would announce.
“Are you still coming back?” Mama would ask.
“No. You may lock your door.”
Case closed. Mama knew where her hubby would spend the night. Before he came back following morning, his food was ready. And it won’t be poisoned!
At times, you would bring home a lady or guy from your hometown and your mum would say never, you can’t marry him or her and she would never tell you why. She would do everything to separate you guys.
She had her reasons. That lady or guy was sired by your father. Mother knew but won’t tell you until much, much later!
Your uncle (daddy’s elder brother) would die and daddy would simply “take over” his wife and mama would politely oblige!
I can hear many of you, especially, women saying: “THIS IS RUBBISH!” “ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!” “ORO RIRUN!” “I CAN NEVER TAKE THESE!” “GOD FORBID BAD THING!” “WE WILL ALL DIE THERE!”
NINE out of TEN of those our mothers knew what to do to make life miserable for both hubby and “ale”. They could have easily killed them. They could have walked away and abandon their kids.
But they knew the implication of broken homes. It was the indignities they suffered and endured that made their children what they later became in life.
If they didn’t suffer these “nonsenses”, their kids would not even go to school.
While we are living in a DIFFERENT society from theirs, it was not by accident that many of them lived to be 80, 85, 95, 100.
Yet, those of us who now have access to the best life can ever hardly live to be 65!
Granny lived to be 98. But her granddaughter died at 50!
Reasons:
▪️Grandma held a tradition of keeping her peace with her husband, his kith and kin by all means
▪️ Grandma dedicated herself raising her children under their fathers roof and paternal influence.
▪️Grandma believed that, for her children to do well in life, they needed the father’s blessing.
▪️She had been a woman raised by her own mother with the consciousness that after your God, is your Lord (husband). And that a proper woman lives in her husband’s house, and never creates any reason to leave, till death do them part.
▪️She never knew single motherhood as an option or a respectable way of life life, because women who could not manage their homes were actually known to have failed in their God-given mandate in the lives of husbands and children.
▪️ Grandma believed that men are men, and knew that her submissiveness to the lion of her tribe was a major way to keep him tender towards her, irrespective of his other rascalities.
▪️ Grandma was a totally faithful woman to her husband, and very loyal without considering that as a favor to her husband. She knew that her chastity in marriage was key to her husband’s prosperity. This is spiritual.
▪️ Grandma knew that each time her husband brought out the cane to discipline erring children, her duty was to support him discipline them, and could only pet and soothe the crying child secretly later. She taught children a lesson with this system; The Father’s authority is unquestionable. This was a tradition which helped traditional rulership so effective and efficient in those days. Mothers taught children to obey rules strictly.
▪️ Grandma made her husband realize that she had no other idol than him. He therefore was always under the burden of conscience and responsibility to feed and clothe her and her children at the least, even if school wasn’t in the picture.
▪️ Grandma would live in her husband’s hut with her family, and with contentment. She would never drive him to go look for a bigger house and buy a bicycle or motorcycle to impress her friends. Infact she never had any gang of friends. Only a few gossip and jist partners. They kept life simple and we’re happy
▪️ Grandma knew how to “gbojukuro”. That is, she knew how “to look away” from people’s faults, especially from her husband and children.
▪️By virtue of all these she was able to hold her Peace….and have true peace within her soul at all times. Life was simple for her because she made it simple for herself and her family.
Today, these values we saw in Grandma seem lost. And her own granddaughter lived to about half her age
Cause of death: High Blood Pressure!
Mama’s cause of death: Old Age!!
Can we have the spirit of Grandma in our wives and daughters again?
By Samuel O Ajayi
Beautiful piece.
Wowed from beginning to end.