Smoking Weed & Sipping Hennessy: …Na Wetin Kill Sir “K”

“This suffering is too much Segun. Its becoming difficult to eat since we graduated”, says Sir K.

“Hm, I know some day somehow, God will step in”. I replied.

“God is too slow!” Replied Sir K.

“Ah, that’s blasphemy!”

“God better step up or I step up myself”. Frowning.

This was in 2004, 3 years after we left school.

In 2007, Sir K called my line after disappearing for 3 years and said, ” aburo, bawo ni?” My junior, how’re you?

In my usual way of joking especially with my friends, I replied, “tani aburo e? O baje sha!” Who’s your junior…

We talked and talked and talked and laughed and exchanged banter.

“I am in Lagos at the moment. Will be returning back to the states in 2 weeks. Why not come to Lagos so we can talk?”

He scheduled my flight and in 3 days, I was in Lagos.

We hung out, discussed business ideas and met with some of his business associate.

On our way home, “Segun, its high time you get out of poverty and into wealth bro.”

Me, “hm, if I kuku see the job to do for that kind money I for don grab am”.

Sir K, “can I show you how?”

“Why not?”

We turned onto the 3rd mainland bridge and straight out of Lagos towards Abeokuta. We arrived at a house on the road and parked. We walked a few distance into the village and appeared at a house where an average aged man received us at the door.

Sir K told the man, “this is my friend. We grew up together. Baba, can you ‘help’ him?”

The old man looked at me and looked at his cowries. Said a few words then asked me, “are you sure you want to do this?”

Me, “do what exactly?” Looking straight at him.

Baba, “aha, you no tell am ni?!” Talking to Sir K.

Sir K and I talked and he said, “baba can make what is far very near.”

Me, “how?”

Sir K, “he’ll make it impossible for people to see you and want to give you money, assist you, et al”.

“you mean via juju?”

“Not juju. Àjo, help, assistance”.

“Really? Was that what you did?”

Sir K, “yes. And you don’t have to donate anything than to just #$%&– once in a while. Otan!”

“Mio fe. Mio se”. I no want. I no do.

Baba interjected, “after looking at your star, you don’t need help. Help will naturally find you. If you’re in a hurry, I can make it faster. If not, you can wait. Because you self no be ordinary pesin”.

Me, “thank you baba. Mio ni se yin o…” I won’t offend you o!

Baba, “ah, Iwo osha? You a diety? Unless na me go annoy you. Biko no vex!”

We left the place.

Sir K tried to encourage me from Abeokuta back to Ikeja were we stayed. Kphim, I no talk.

I left for Kaduna the following day and we never saw again.

2019 April 3rd, I saw Sir K’s picture with the inscription, “rest on legend.” He was 46 with 4 kids, a wife abroad, a wife in the US and plenty concubines.

I asked Kuchi, “kilo shey sir K? Wetin do sir K?”

Kuchi, “omo, I no know o! He’s been sick for over 1 year now and his people taken him from hospital to babalawo before his sister called that he passed”.

I heard his stomach became so big, you’ll think he’s pregnant. Then he couldn’t walk but just lay down and eat. Then he was said to smell like rotten meat…

‘His babalawo died without doing his ‘etutu’ then began his predicament to death.’

He left estates, choice cars, lots of cash (local and foreign).

I still couldn’t tell the story until date.

I know like I said to another friend years back, “when you seek favor from the devil, there’s always a price to pay. Best thing to do; pray, network and be contented. Money no dey do rich men!”

RIP Sir K… ‘Money nor fit buy your death, after all’


Wetin dey far from you, wey your hand nor reach, no use long stick draw am near.

God may delay but He’s never late.


SW&SH is a weekly series on Procyon News. Join me, always.

I’m done, I’m gone, I’m ghost!

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