Smoking Weed & Sipping Hennessy: God no get tribal marks.

…Even if he go get, he no go be like Igala, Gogobiri or Ogbomosho own.

Way back as a teenager, there is always that man or woman, a friend to your folks or relative your parents can report you to to caution you when you misbehave. Yes.

Well, I had one those years. After a heated argument with ‘old soja’, he felt I defeated him so wore his clothes, went to see his friend. I guess during the discussion, my matter came up and the man promised to address me.

It was over a girl I was dating whose dad didn’t like that I was dating her.

“Dem go dey ‘ram’ as I dey look dem so. Is he not in school? If he gets her pregnant now, who will care for them and the child? Blablabla…” The girl’s dad bellowed.

“Sorry sir”, replied ‘old soja’.

“What are you doing with that girl?” With fire in his eyes.

Me, dem no dey intimidate me. I no go gree.

“She’s my girlfriend,” I replied.

Old Soja’s eyes widened and he was quiet for a bit. His friend looked at me and said, “are you sleeping with her?”

I looked at him like he had just fallen from a mango tree into the soak away, “baba, she’s my girlfriend. That question is inconsequential sir”.

He looked at me, said so many other things, half of which I didn’t hear or could understand.

In my response, “shey I no go marry one day?”

“Are you planning on marrying her?” Asked ‘old soja’.

“If Jesus tarries…”

They looked at each other, him & his friend and laughed out loud.

“Ki lo mo ti win npe ni marriage?” Asks my pop’s friend.

“Whatever it means, it starts somewhere and some how. Your friend, who is my girls father don’t want to see me near his daughter. Not because I’m young but because he thinks that’s what will stop her from becoming spoilt. In any case, let me break the bubble. She asked me out herself. So let her dad ask his daughter to stay away from me”.

Old Soja and his friend looked at each other, you could see the shock in their eyes and looked at me. I guess they knew I won’t back down and I can’t lose the argument, so turned motivational speaker.

To cut the long story short, the girls father challenged me on his own and I told him not to threaten me. You should ASK not DEMAND that I leave her.

Eventually, him ma gree say God no get tribal marks. Even if he go get, he no go be like Igala, Gogobiri or Ogbomosho own.

Sade was moved to another state and into a boarding school. We lost contact. She writes me every now and then. But I won’t reply. Her dad and I had a gentleman’s agreement.


Years after, I heard she got pregnant for wait for it, a married man.

The dad was devastated.

Few years later, she had another for another guy. Who was to marry her but changed his mind and married another.

The father threw her out of the house in anger.

I heard all of the story behind the walls (ogiri l’eti – walls have ears), when he came to report to my dad.

“Shebi we for leave them together that time, at least if dem born, I go know say na my friend pikin be my in-law?”

In my heart, I laughed. In-law ko, Out-law ni.

I saw her a few months back and after the pleasantries, she said, “if only my father had not scattered our relationship, I for be your wife!”

I smiled.

Truth is, I for nor marry her. Don’t ask me why.

“It’s all in the past now,” I said to her. “Pray for guidance and strength. You will be fine”.

Meanwhile, old soja’s friend wey dey caution me that year, him 2 sons gii girls belle and dem no gree marry the girls.

The day wey I go greet am after an operation on his leg, I tell am, “those kids resemble you well sir. Ah, gene yin strong o!”

He looked at me, looked at the kids and looked away.




Not all relationships end in marriage.

Not all those who date at young age go about getting pregnant.

Not all teenage relationships are bad.

In my reasoning, you get into some (good or bad) to learn.

Guide your wards not force them to walk your talk.

God help our weaknesses, amin.


SW&SH is a weekly series on Procyon News and on here, join me.

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