One of the easiest ways to fall any human is sex. Be careful too with who you have one.
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Bro Mike was a youth corp member way back in the early 90s who lived with his brother who was our neighbor.
Bro Mike na handsome guy with sexy eyes like barbie, get small goatie, is always neatly dressed. And you’d always see ladies swarm around him.
He was so smooth with the ladies, that legends told a story of how he ‘chopulated’ one aunty wey be banker, her bestie and her kid sister.
There was this story then told of how the ladies fought and exposed their secrets. And out of the 266 words used in that battle, bro Mike’s name came up 77 times along side the words, ‘…my guy,’ ‘my baby’, ‘his sweet sugar stick’, etc.
His elder brother shook his head and said, “you’re like our father”, when the story hit the draft and scrabble shrine (where we usually gather to play draft and scrabble, discuss football and other MENly matters).
One day, bro Mike went to church and came back home with this ‘delicious’ looking sister. I bet a chorister. Because if she enter bathroom, toilet, kitchen or dey outside, she must sing. And na like say angle dey sing.
Now, bro Mike’s sudden love for the Lord’s house worried the members of the shrine and we decided to worship at the church one Sunday.
Na there we discover say bro Mike na choir member, plays the konga well and can dance like Michael Jackson. Then a few people away from him, was the angel that sings whenever she was at the house.
“Oh, so she be Choir member? No wonder!” Exclaimed Banco. Now, Banco was another badass egbon who I heard was so bad, ladies who want to be rough handled call upon him. Lol!
One day, bro Mike decided to bring the angel home to sleep over.
Now, if you had slept on the other rooms anywhere in the house and bro Mike was ‘leading any chorus’ with his ladies, you’ll hear the ‘alto, bass, tenor, and which one again?’ pretty loudly and clearly.
That night was heavenly. The angel sang loud and in different tongues.
At about 7:30am, bro Mike ran out to the boys and was visibly shaken. He had on only his boxer and what first caught my attention, his wEaPON that was always visible to the eyes looked ‘defeated’.
“Guys, make una come help me!” We all looked in his direction, looked at each other.
“Help you how?” One of us bellowed.
He mumbled some things no one understood. Eventually, we followed him to the room one after the other, entering.
There on the bed, spread out was the angel, in her glory, the way Eleda created her.
“Cover her cloth na!”
“She don d!e abi wetin?”
Different questions as bro Mike stood there like who piss for bed for him in-law house.
We tried pouring her some water, puah. Banco did mouth to mouth kini, for where.
Everybody started talking at the same time. Then I remembered there’s this woman we used to refer to as ‘witch’. Why? If you knack erm sorry, touch her daughter, she go start call you, ‘my inlaw. You like my daughter abi?’
Legends had it that she removed her womb abi planted something on her that even if na bucket you take pour her ‘akamu’, she nor fitto get belle. And boys that year dey wear condom, erm I mean, protection? Ta!
I mentioned her, we rushed to drag her to the house.
As she enter, see the angel, all spread out, she tightened her face, narrowed the eyes, looked at us round and said, “all of you, go outside!”
After a few minutes, she came out smiling.
“Who brought that girl here?”
We pointed at bro Mike, who was looking lost and confused.
“Boys, you all need to be careful. That girl is not ordinary.”
The hair on my back stood up. Banco even release small small fart. Mike looked purple. With his nose and eyes opened wide like fuel pump funnel.
“Na ogbanje. Apparently, you changed her position when she slept. But she had gone for a meeting. Returned and couldn’t enter back into the body.”
“Ahhh!”
“Next time, as a person sleeps, so you should leave them. Especially when you don’t even know them and you’re not spiritually aware and strong. Boys be careful who you bring home so you don’t d!e before your time.”
She walked bro Mike back to the room, with the rest of us in tow.
She said to her, “you dey hear me? He is like my son. On his behalf, sorry you hear. I know you are angry. He will give you whatever you ask for. Just let it go”.
Angel, now wearing a boxer and t-shirt with her tits all standing like copper coin, didn’t look up for about a minute. Suddenly looked up and straight at bro Mike. Then tears ran down her cheeks.
Bro Mike stood there confused, dey look ground like make him enter.
“What do you want?” Asked mama witch.
She paused for a bit then replied lowly, “nothing. He should not just mention this event to anyone and I am good”.
We all thanked mama witch and all together warned bro Mike, “you hear wetin she talk? You hear or you wan kpai?!”
Mama witch wan waka, we tactically block her to help us escort the babe out. She accepted, then asked Mike gave her some money for her transportation.
Then okada nor dey. Na vespa and by luck or you waka go road go climb taxi.
From that day going forward, bro Mike gentleee. He stop ‘networking and browsing’. He humble then join New Testament bible study group, dey preach and share bible.
Moral of this story is, not everything you see beautiful is truly good. No be everything you see wey dem cook you go eat. If your intestine nor cut, you fit purge.
The world is a dangerous place.
One of the easiest ways to fall any human is sex. Be careful too with who you have one.
“Ani je ijekuje o”, may we not eat what will harm us, Amin.
Araba Seun Bamisaye-Claude your admonition brought back this memory.
Thank you.
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